You know you are God’s child. But, like all of God’s children, you have sinned since you received Christ. You grew up in a church environment of well meaning Christians, but, they were unknowingly, legalists. My friend, be encouraged! We love you, so listen.
Trying harder to be loving with troubled people misses the point. God’s agape love “in you” by the indwelling Holy Spirit is the only possible answer. Let go and let God have all there is of you.